Expressing emotional shifts through songs<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
There are six core emotions that affect human behavior: happiness, sadness, anger, fear, disgust, and surprise. At any point in a relationship, you\u2019re bound to cycle through those six emotions \u2013 in fact, it\u2019s extremely healthy to cycle through them. It\u2019s extremely dangerous to get stuck in a certain sector, though. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
So looking back on your relationship, start making a list of pivotal moments; those instances where you started to notice a shift in the relationship\u2019s energy. These can be good or bad moments, but usually after a breakup, it\u2019s easier to pick up on the negative ones. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
For each moment, chart how you felt over time (see my example below). The closer the dot is to the outer wheel, the more you felt it in that moment. The closer it is to the center, the less you embodied that emotion. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Over time, you\u2019ll start to see shifts in your energy. Or if there are no shifts, then maybe you were blind to something that was in front of you all along. In the words of Le Corbusier, \u201cI prefer drawing to talking. It is faster and leaves less room for lies.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
In order to get anything out of this, you need to be honest. It\u2019s really for your own eyes anyways, and I\u2019ve shared my own to make you feel less self-conscious: <\/p>\n\n\n\n
![\"\"](\"https:\/\/splice.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/02\/Breakups-Into-Music-Graph-May.png\")
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<\/figure>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\nFor any given shift, or lack thereof, talk to yourself about that moment. For me, I never felt at ease in my relationship; I was always on edge. In the charts above, I see I just had a high concentration of anger, fear, and disgust \u2013 arguably the core ingredients of unhappiness. I expressed these thoughts like this: <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\nI look at you
I look at all of you
And I think to myself
No, no, no<\/em>
No to what I\u2019ve known<\/em>
No to how we haven\u2019t grown
No to the love you\u2019ve never shown <\/em>
I don\u2019t want you like that
I don\u2019t want you
I will never be the one that loves you<\/em><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\nWe talk a lot about how dating is about figuring out if you want to be with someone in the long term. Identifying shifts in the relationship and writing about what happened in lyrics helped me understand how much I was ignoring my own unhappiness. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Expressing insecurities through songs<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Here\u2019s my list of insecurities when it comes to relationships: <\/p>\n\n\n\n
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- I\u2019m not a complete person without a relationship<\/li>\n\n\n\n
- All my friends are in relationships and don\u2019t want to hang<\/li>\n\n\n\n
- I\u2019m not good enough<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n
I would advise timing yourself on creating your own list to one minute or three – four items, since it\u2019s extremely easy to go down the rabbit hold of negativity.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Now that we have our insecurities listed, let\u2019s pick one and flip it. I\u2019ve picked \u201cI’m not a complete person without a relationship.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
My relationship history was a long-winded game of chutes and ladders: I\u2019d climb out of one relationship just to slide in another. I felt like I was sleepwalking into the arms of total strangers, and I did question if I was bringing this on myself. So, I wrote these lines: <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\nThe only trips we ever take are guilt
You love to tell me how to feel
The only games we ever play are blame
The fingers always pointing back at me
You\u2019re so quick to call me the fool
But you\u2019re in love with a memory too<\/em><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\nThis led me to asking myself: what are<\/em> my ideas of a \u201ccomplete person?\u201d What are the ideas about relationships that make them complete for me? Make a list of them. The imagination is incredibly powerful, and an idea to combat an insecurity like that is going to be impressive and easy enough to project onto a person who could never live up to the ideal. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
It\u2019s easy to fall in love with an idea. For example, I once dated the idea of a tortured artist. Consider what makes these ideas so great, and what makes them not-so-great. That previous relationship could have ended months earlier, but I got very good at projecting the best qualities onto a person and seeing everything through the lens of denial. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\nGood morning
I\u2019m in mourning
But I\u2019m the dance-on-your-grave-type
The cops came for the alibi
Been ignoring
All the warnings
Reading in between the lines
Asking God for a sign<\/em><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\nWhat became clear to me through my own songwriting is that dating an idea is going to change you, maybe more than that person themselves. It\u2019s easy to confuse sacrifice with compromise, but there\u2019s a difference between forgiving yourself for being wrong and beating yourself up for it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
When you identify who you were in that relationship, you\u2019ll realize that the breakup isn\u2019t about the other person leaving you, but about you letting go of that part of you and outgrowing yourself. And that process is incredibly painful \u2013 you\u2019re going to hit the five stages of grief. I go through them daily as I shift between feeling the best to the worst in milliseconds. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
But you keep going, and you keep writing songs. You learn what you want, what you don\u2019t want, and how to make a different decision when you reach that next fork in the road (which you will).<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Why we listen to and write songs about breakups<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
You listen to Lizzo because it\u2019s not a breakup if she tells you it\u2019s not. You listen to Taylor Swift, who has a discography built on the actions of her exes. You listen to Adele who wrote two entire albums on a single heartbreak. You listen to Ariana Grande, who accepts with grace. The list goes on. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
You writing about your breakup means you\u2019re also ready to let go of who you were in that relationship. You\u2019re outgrowing someone you were for a few days, months, or maybe even years. And while that hurts, you can\u2019t be your own person without knowing your pain intimately \u2013 your next partner can\u2019t be the bellhop to your emotional baggage. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
When people ask me where I\u2019m at in the five stages, I just answer: I\u2019m in mourning, but I\u2019m the dance-on-your-grave-type.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n\n\n\nUse Splice Mobile to instantly test and record ideas, explore genres, and unlock new creative possibilities\u2014all from your phone:<\/p>\n\n\n\n